Gambling Problem Family Member
Coping with a family member or friend’s gambling behaviour can be exhausting. Use your energy to help change your own situation rather than theirs. It is important to remember: You cannot force your family member or friend to acknowledge that their gambling is a problem. Compulsive gamblers often need support from friends, family members, and peers to help them stop gambling. Gamblers Anonymous groups can provide peer and social support for those in recovery or for those who wish they can stop gambling.
Many people enjoy gambling and do so responsibly. But for a few, gambling is not a social activity. The National Gambling Impact Study Commission found that 2.7% of American adults are pathological or problem gamblers.
An untreated gambling addiction, like any other, can destroy families, careers, and can even be life-threatening. It’s important, therefore, to recognizing the signs and urge help.
The following are some of the frequent signs that have been associated with people who are struggling with a gambling addiction or who are becoming addicted.
Adults
- Mounting, unpaid bills and pursue by debt collectors
- Gambling to escape worry, boredom or problems
- Constantly thinking about gambling
- Thoughts about gambling disrupting sleep
- Routinely gambling longer than planned
- Having thoughts about self-harm or suicide because of problems resulting from gambling
- Taking time off work or from school to gamble
- Hiding money from family to gamble (or, hiding money from a spouse/family member so they don’t spent it on gambling)
- Stealing money to gamble or pay gambling debts
- Borrowing money to finance gambling or to pay back gambling debts
- Continuing to gamble even after promises and commitments to stop
- Changes in mood and behavior coinciding with gambling episodes
- Missing important events, appointments and other commitments as a result gambling
See other behavioral signs of Gambling Addiction
Students
Adolescents and college-aged individuals are also vulnerable to gambling addiction, and may express signs that are different than adults:
- Unexplained absences from school or classes
- Sudden drop in grades or failure to complete assignments on time
- Change of personality or behavior
- Exaggerated display of money or other material possessions
- Daily or weekly card game
- Bragging about winning at gambling
- Intense interest in gambling conversations
- Unusual interest in newspapers/magazines/periodicals/sports scores
- Unaccountable explanation for new items of value in possession
- Borrowing or stealing money
- Withdrawing from family and friends
- Uncharacteristically forgetting appointments or dates
- Exaggerated use of word “bet” in vocabulary and/or use of gambling language in conversations (e.g. bookie, point spread, underdog, favorite)
Work-place signs
Gambling problems can impact the workplace causing distress for the individual employee as well as peers. If you are concerned about one of your employees or colleagues, ask yourself the following:
- Does the employee spend excessive time away from the job? (NOTE: Excessive time away from the job may include extended use of telephone to place bets or check results; reviewing form sheets, racing, sports or the stock pages in the newspaper, when pretending to work; participating in cards, lottery and/or office pools often, etc.)
- Does the employee take unusual amounts of sick time, especially half-days? (NOTE: The compulsive gambler frequently takes excessive time. S/he often suffers from depression, hypertension, ulcers and other health problems. S/he also uses sick time to gamble.)
- Does the employee routinely arrive late, leave early, take long lunches or experience difficulties reporting and/or remaining in scheduled work location(s)?
- Does the employee talk or worry about money problems, or experience money difficulties, resulting in requests for cash advances or loans (i.e. borrowing) from fellow employees and/or employer?
- Does the employee always seem to be the person who starts and/or runs the office pools (e.g. sports, lottery, birth)?
- Does the employee encourage coworkers to bet in office pools and/or bet more money?
- Does the employee try to organize an office excursion to a casino or racetrack?
- Does the employee have a history of writing bad checks?
- Does the employee have more than one mailing address?
- Does the employee’s use of company money seem suspicious or inappropriate?
By Sydney Smith LPC, LADC, NCGC-II
A gambling problem can be difficult to detect
Problem Gambling can be hidden for a long time which often makes it very difficult to detect. By the time the problem surfaces and the family finds out, the devastation and wreckage can be tremendous. Family members tend to know that something is wrong with their loved one but due to gambling addiction’s invisible nature, especially in the early stages of the disease, it can be extremely hard to identify.
In this article, we will discuss the signs and symptoms of, and ways to identify if your loved one has a gambling problem. Then, we’ll invite your questions about how to get help at the end.
Determining if there is a gambling problem
As a family member, we may or may not know the extent of the gambling problem or how long gambling has been an issue for our loved one. We may know about the gambling, but still have much uncertainty as to whether there is a gambling problem. So if you are asking yourself,
“How do I know if my loved one is a problem gambler?”
…the following are questions and information that may help determine if there is a gambling problem.
SIGN 1: Time away. If I know the person is gambling, the amount of time spent gambling or engaged in gambling activities increases. The gambler can be gone for long unaccounted for periods of time.
When the gambler in my life gambled, he often gambled while he was at work. So, in the early stages I did not know how much time he actually spent gambling. As his gambling worsened, he would not come home from work and would disappear for 24 hours at a time.
SIGN 2: Obsession to find money. Is the gambler becoming preoccupied or obsessed with obtaining money to gamble or thoughts of gambling? The great obsession can be on coming up with ways to borrow money, taking out loans, pawning items for cash, or planning their next bet.
Living with a gambler in the past, I would frequently have jewelry missing or items of value just disappear. Later I would learn that my gambler would pawn these items to obtain gambling money or to chase his losses. Later in the progression of the disease, the gambler may be physically present but not there, as the mind is preoccupied with gambling.
SIGN 3: Emotional volatility. Does the gambler have moods swings or gambles as a means to cope or change feelings? A gambler deep into his addiction can exhibit mood swings similar to those of a person diagnosed with bi-polar disorder. The extreme up and down in moods can be hard on both the gambler and the family members. The “up” moods can follow a win, and the gambler may even brag about the winnings. The “down” mood can be very depressive and the gambler may experience anxious or depressed mood, anger, and become irritable.
Gambling is used to change the way the person is feeling and the family members may hear the gambler make statements such as, “I had a stressful day at work and I just need to go gamble to unwind”.
Gambling Problem Family Member Portal
SIGN 4: New secrets. Are there secretive behaviors or hiding? Is the gambler becoming very secretive in his actions and with his money? Hiding of gambling wins or losses, hiding lottery tickets, tax documents, etc. becomes common.
In my therapy practice, I often hear the spouses say, “I found payday loan papers, or while cleaning, I found ATM receipts from the casino.”. The family may begin to lose trust for the gambler as the hiding, concealing, and lying about gambling grows.
20 questions to ask yourself
These are a few of the more noticeable warning signs one may experience with the gambler. In addition, Gam-Anon created a simple list of 20 questions for family members to ask themselves.
Family members of problem gamblers will answer “YES” to at least seven of the twenty questions.
- Do you find yourself constantly bothered by bill collectors?
- Is the person in question often away from home for long unexplained periods of time?
- Does this person ever lose time from work due to gambling?
- Do you feel that this person cannot be trusted with money?
- Does this person promise that he or she will stop gambling, yet gambles again and again?
- Does this person ever gamble longer than he or she intended?
- Does this person immediately return to gambling to try to recover losses or to win more?
- Does this person ever gamble to get money to solve financial difficulties?
- Does this person borrow money to gamble with or to pay gambling debts?
- Has this person’s reputation ever suffered due to gambling?
- Have you come to the point of hiding money needed for living expenses?
- Do you search this person’s clothing, go through his or her wallet, or check on his or her activities?
- Do you hide his or her money?
- Have you noticed personality changes in him or her?
- Does this person consistently lie to cover up or deny his or her gambling activities?
- Does this person use guilt induction as a method of shifting responsibility for his or her gambling onto you?
- Do you attempt to anticipate this person’s moods to try to control his or her life?
- Does this person ever suffer from remorse or depression due to gambling sometimes to the point of self-destruction?
- Have you ever threatened to break up the family because of the gambling?
- Do you feel that your life together is a nightmare?
What can you do next?
This list can be found on the Gam-Anon website or in Gam-Anon published literature. If you can identify with any of the information listed above:
- Continue to educate yourself about gambling addiction through resources and literature.
- Reach out to a trained professional.
- Attend a Gam-Anon or any 12-step support meeting for friends and family of addicts.
If we believe our loved one has a gambling addiction, it is OK to encourage them to seek help, however, it is vitally important for us as family members to seek out our own help. We are not alone, there is hope, and life can get better.
—–
About the Author: Sydney Smith, CEO of RISE Center For Recovery in Las Vegas, Nevada, is a psychotherapist and Internationally Certified Gambling Counselor, currently active in her practice which has a specialty focus on the treatment of problem gamblers and their family members. She also works as a researcher with the Desert Research Institute in Las Vegas, NV. She was the 2016 recipient of the Shannon L. Bybee Award.
Gambling Problem Family Member Dies
